His hands were made for my vagina.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
