it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
