If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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