She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
