he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
