I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
