fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize