So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
