And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
