id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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