Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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