Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
