dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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