I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
