We won't sleep together?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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