i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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