She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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