Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
