Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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