Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
