1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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