butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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