If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am mentally ready for anal.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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