well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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