I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
