I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
