So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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