you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My dick has a subreddit
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
