Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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