you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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