im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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