i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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