they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
