Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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