Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
