Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
