Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
