I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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