Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
