So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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