I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I looked at my own cervix.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
