Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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