Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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