I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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