my mouth tastes like poor choices
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
