My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
