omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
