I looked at my own cervix.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
