he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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