Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
