You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
