Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
