Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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