made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
