i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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