Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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