Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
