You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
