i really wish james franco would like my vagina
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
