You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
