Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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