I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
