you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
