I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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