I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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