It's Friday. Sex?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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