i don't want you to think of me as your TA
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
