I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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