FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize